I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
