Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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