KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
