Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
