Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize