My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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