mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
