Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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