Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
