I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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