he wants to bone in the snuggie
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
