i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They took my balls.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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