I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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