Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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