Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
