So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
