i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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