what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
