By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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