I'm so fucking centered right now
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
