my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
