Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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