dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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