ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
