another moral hangover. fuck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
