It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
