Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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