Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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