It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
