I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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