Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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