Soap is not a condiment
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
