before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize