you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize