and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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