we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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