Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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