Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
