At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
