a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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