is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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