I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is Oprah even human
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
