is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
