I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
