there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
