i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize