and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
