I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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