How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
