Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize