I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
