I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
as a side note pls kill me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
