I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize