i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
