Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
