Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
