listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize