**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
