I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
