I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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