Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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