If i come over, it means nothing
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
