My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
