grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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