Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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