oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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