Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
