i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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