whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
