so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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