it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
