it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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