Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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