he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
