It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
