It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
