I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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