she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
