Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
