All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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