You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
