How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
