That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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