I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
