I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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