If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
