Say something about gay babies.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize